Hot, hotter and even hotter still. That has been our weather for the last several days and the forecast for the rest of this week. Sunday is set to be the worst so far and I am not looking forward to it at all. We have been sweating it out and trying to stick to indoors as much as possible, even while the kids complain and say that it isn’t too hot to go out and play with friends. I don’t know how they can want to go outside at all, let alone run around or ride their bikes like maniacs and enjoy it; I feel like all I want to do is lay under a fan and laze about. Of course lazing about isn’t at all practical, and I’m thankful I suppose that this heat has been allowing me to dry at least 3 loads of laundry a day. On and off the line in just an hour or two and smelling deliciously like sunshine.
Today Piper and I cooled off in our little outdoors tub in the late afternoon, when the sun had finally dropped a little lower and the heat wasn’t quite so overwhelming. Piper is a little merbaby; she absolutely adores being in the water (pool, bath, outside bath, shower, she isn’t picky), splashing around and trying to dunk her head under while I struggle to keep her from achieving just that, or sucking the drops of water off her hands and fingers.
Joined by two happy big sisters for a splash. Bit of a squish, but totally fun.
Natsumi was at the vet today so we could ensure there would be no more little ahh… kitten accidents again. These little guys have all started stealing her food and while she was gone we set out a bit of cat food in case they were hungry. At one stage they all came trouping down the hallway, and three out of the four were just covered, and I mean covered, allover their little faces and paws with food! Took them a couple of hours to clean themselves and each other up again.
Typical Aussie kid, cooling off in the sprinkler.
Preparing to sew up Piper’s birthday crown. I keep pulling everything out and then just sitting there staring at it. I can’t bring myself to start sewing things together because then it will make this birthday all the more real, this big milestone that is approaching so fast, way too fast. And really, it isn’t even that I’m sad she will be One. I’m not. At all (okay maybe a little). It’s hard to put into words exactly what I’m feeling, and why I’m feeling it. But Piper is baby #6. Which means, truly, she is probably our very last. And so much of me, so much of who I am and what I am is wrapped up in being more or less pregnant every other year, always having a little one around, or anticipating the little life that would be joining our family soon. Who am I without that? I don’t know. Really, I just don’t even know. My heart hurts when I think about never holding another one of our newborns again, never leaning in close, nose to sweet scalp, inhaling deeply of that incredibly addictive fresh newborn scent. And when I think about it my throat starts to close up and my eyes start to burn and I have to quickly shut it down, shut those feelings down because otherwise I’ll just look like a crazy person, because I have been amazingly, undeservedly blessed with six kids and why should I be sad to never have another? That just sounds insane.
My husband and I will never say “never” for a few reasons. But it just feels like this might be it. And so I just want to cling on to this baby stage, this probably-maybe-might-very-well-be last baby stage ever, with both hands.